Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
