best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize