Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
