i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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