We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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