one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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