There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
