watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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