Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
