Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
