somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
