I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
