nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
