i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
