I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
