You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
