Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
