Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
