it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize