oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
