I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
