"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
