Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
