i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
