I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
only if we run a train.
done.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
