you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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