And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
