He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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