If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize