i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
