I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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