you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
pray to the hookup gods
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
