So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
