When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
