i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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