I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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