i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
