My first STD was from a foam party
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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