Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
