she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
