He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
