she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize