Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
