I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
