i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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