it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
