Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
