My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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