At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
