I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
