it hurts more in the daytime
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
