I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
