From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
