How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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