I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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