why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
