The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
