Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
