We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
