she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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