he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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