Moan for me like Helen Keller
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
