watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
