She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize