I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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