i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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