My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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