There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
