why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
