I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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