she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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