hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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