shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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