Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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