I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize