I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
