can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
